This Kosher thing might be backfiring…

26 Feb

Do to life circumstances, the wife and I haven’t…um…mitvah’d all week.

We just got home from an afternoon out full of crying babies and complaining three-year-olds, so the kids were banished to the livingroom to watch some G-d awful Barney episode off the Roku, and I settled down in front of the computer with a tasty light plate of cheese, crackers, and summer sausage. Tiffany gives me a kiss before I start eating and idly suggests we have sex.

Yeah, sure. Let’s do that.


Let’s have sex.

We can’t. I can’t even kiss you. You just ate meat with dairy.


See, Tiffany is going kosher, and she’s doing it alone. I mean, why bother converting to a denomination that lets you interpret Torah for yourself, if you’re going to do something as restrictive as not eating cheeseburgers?!

She’s doing it to be closer to G-d. Or to bring G-d closer to her, I suppose. The theory is that the mindfulness one needs to have to live according to the mitzvot will always keep G-d in your mind, thus imbuing every act with a sense of the Holy.

That’s beautiful.

But I didn’t get any.

So that’s less beautiful.


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